Deadpool in Zombieland!
by Just Grim
Summary: Deadpool joins Columbus on his journey, meeting witchita and her sister too. And having there hands full of zombies with really really bad cannibal herpes. "I like killing zombies!" I know, Deadpool. You love killing. And hopefully, we'll kill it with this story too. "We better, cause I'm Deadpool! Who doesn't want to see me get ladies and kill zombies?" I have to agree there.
1. Ch1 Deadpool & Columbo

{Alright, the reason I'm writing this is because the guy who wrote a Deadpool Zombieland crossover did a totally different story. Personally, I wanted the crossover. I want to see lots of crossovers (especially ones that seem unlikely (really love those)).}

"Are you going to write the story yet? I mean, I'm standing in some nothingness over here!"

{Hold on, I have to say what's on my mind.}

"Fuck that, I wanna kill some zombies already!"

{Goddamn it, fine. Let's get this show on the road!}

"Woo hoo!" *bang bang, bang bang* "those are gun noises..!"

¥...∆...¥ "what the hell are these about?"

Shush, Deadpool!

Its weird how things can go to bad, to total shit storm.

When the virus struck, the obvious to go were the fattys.

"Heh, that's you too!"

...!

The infection went through the cities as well, and with the feasting of people it grew. More were becoming the swarm of undead and eating more folks like mcburgers.

Running wasn't an option, well, at least not the option you should use only. Using a gun would help greatly. But its pointless if you can't even hold it properly because... It will fly right back at you.

So buckle up, cause its a ride to hell to Zombieland!

Columbus, not his name but where he's from, was walking down the road. Luggage in his hand and a shotgun in the other. It was a road full of car bodies, none to ever be used again.

He was deep in thought, a list of rules if you will. Like a kid with some kind of disorder.

Traveling lightly, not just the bits in his luggage, but in relationships too. He treated people like Zombies even before there were zombies. I don't mean he was a murderous psycho path. I mean he wasnt social.

In the distance, there was a car up ahead. It drove in a fast pace, not even trying to be careful. Columbus put his luggage down and he held his shotgun in both hands.

The car slowed down, a heap of dry rubber smoke came about as the car came to a stop. Columbus aimed his gun at the car, and saw the man stepping out of the car. He had a skin tight red suit and-

"Hold on! Hold on! Are you telling me that you replaced Talihasse with me!"

Columbus looked at the man oddly, seeing as he was screaming at the sky.

"Don't egnore me!"

{Yes... I did. I had to, I couldn't see a possible way to have the two of you in the story. There was just no way.}

"What if you had him ride in on a motorcycle!"

{Sorry Deadpool, but its not happening.}

He sighed with sadness.

Columbus turned around and walked away, not wanting to see what was up with this guy. Deadpool, however, ran after him.

"Hey! Wait up buddy!" Deadpool called.

Columbus slowed up and sighed to himself 'stay calm, he's probably not psycho bad.'

Deadpool came up to him and took a deep breath "where are you heading?!" He asked the skinny man.

Columbus told him where he was planning to go, Columbus obviously.

"Heh. That's cute, Columbus." Deadpool said in his cocky manner.

They both got in the car, and Deadpool looked all over the vehicle. He found guns, his anyway.

He put his hands on the wheel, and had a big grin under his mask "oh boy! Were going to have a good ol' fashion drive. Are you excited, Columbus?!"

Columbus, trying not to upset the crazy man nodded in agreement with a fake smile.

The drive was the most scariest thing ever, he was driving the vehicle like some a cocaine crazed monkey. I don't know if that analogy works, but I think you at least get the picture.

Columbus was holding on for dear life while Deadpool was trying to do stunts and fancy stuff.

"What's on the radio?" He asked.

There was just static.

"Oh, its the OST of the snow show!" Deadpool said, trying to make fuzzy noised nonsense with the radio. Columbus was just as surprised as he was earlier when the guy was screaming to the sky.

"Uhh! Hey, what's your name?" He said, trying to break the silence, well, trying to make things more homely.

Deadpool pulled out a CD from out of nowhere and put it in the CD player. "Just listen to the song." Deadpool said.

Pretty much, it was just some jazzy song about Deadpools name. It was the most obvious thing ever, Columbus now knew the name.

"Oh look, its a zombie!" Deadpool said, as he ran over the woman eating the man. "Sorry to interrupt your manwitch, lady." He quipped.

They continued driving along the road, right by the silent woods.

"I wonder if Legolas and that hot elven chick are in there."

{That would be the case if this was a lord of the rings crossover.}

"Damn."

Columbus just let it slide, already he was use to the shenanigans of Deadpool.

They had arrived to the store, the parkinglot had some cars but only three. Deadpool was looking for chimichangas, obviously. He stepped out of the car, unholstering his guns

"Let's go hunting. For Chimichangas, but also Zombies."

"Wait, are you sure...?"

Deadpool ignored Columbus and kept walking in. He sighed and said "I guess I should follow him."

Columbus went inside, looking around and seeing the registers. It was the purgatory isle. Till he heard gun shots in one of the store isles. He ran toward the noise, knowing it had to be Deadpool.

"Deadpool?!" Columbus cried.

"Say Marco polo." Deadpool shouted back.

"What?" Columbus didn't really want to play games. Especially if they were in a zombie infested store.

"Do it, or ya won't find me!"

Columbus called out "Marco."

"Polo!"

"Marco."

The one to find Marco wasn't Deadpool. It was someone else who wasn't playing. Well, something now.

Columbus ran from it, he did fire off his shotgun but it hardly did anything.

"Marco! Marco! Marco!" Columbus screamed, looking for Deadpool.

He ran circles in the isles, screaming for Deadpool. Found more zombies instead.

"Hold on slugger, I'm coming!"

Deadpool finally found Columbus and the zombies only to chase them all around like some Benny Hill endtro.

{Benny Hill was this comedy show that always had the host, Benny, chasing a bunch of these people. Think family guy or Simpsons, I don't know.}

"Ha! Hipster."

{I'm not a hipster!}

"Whaaaaa'aatever."

He pulled out his katanas and cut the fat zombies down, one by one. Like giant meaty birthday cakes, falling down as slices.

Columbus fell on his bottom and saw all these sliced up bodies. He was breathing heavily while gasping a lot. He looked at Deadpool in surprise and thanks.

Deadpool grabbed Columbus's hand and helped him up "don't worry, I got your back Columbo."

At the conner of there eyes, there was a girl. She had dark hair blue eyes and-

"Boobies!"

... Yeah, that too.

She looked at Deadpool with quivering lips "come help... Please. My sister is sick and we need help."

She ran back to the room she came from, Deadpool following her because she was a magnet and she attracted him. Eh, I've done better then this.

"I should hope so."

Columbus followed, not before he put a box in between the door way by the room. He wanted to make sure they could get out of there in case things went haywire.

But none the less, they followed the beautiful woman down to where they kept the meat. Where the young girl crying was.


	2. Ch2 Bitchita

They followed the beautiful woman-

"Hey! I was wondering when you'd be back." Deadpool shouted...

"Its a little girl! She's all bit and stuff... I think were going to shoot her."

Columbus pulled Deadpools gun down as fast as he could "what are you doing? She's just a little girl!" He said in panic.

"Yea'aaah, so? She smells like taco sauce. Probably a zombie thing or something."

Columbus was surprised.

"Wait! What?"

The pretty lady sighed in disappointment. "Shit... I guess this is going to have to go the hard way."

She grabbed Columbus's gun and placed her finger on the trigger. He held his hands up as she aimed it at him, Deadpool was not impressed.

"You didn't even use the already there blood? Gee, so legit."

He was getting close to her, walking slowly "stay back, you freak!" She yelled.

"What? Because of the red suit and the yelling at the narrator?"

"Narrator? Just... Give us your keys." She held her stance.

Deadpool, however, walked once more. That's when she shot him. Her eyes widened as she saw him fall to the floor on his bleeding torso.

Columbus gasped as well as the little girl. The blue eyed girl looked back at her sister and signaled her to get the keys.

"Well... I guess it didn't go as we planed but... Thanks for the keys." They ran off to the front, where Deadpool left the car.

Columbus stared at Deadpools corpse in silence. Surprised at the fact that he was dead. But what an idiot! Why would he, or anyone, walk infront of someone with there finger in the trigger?

"Ow!" Deadpool cried, getting up. Columbus watched in Shock as he saw him get back up, even though he was shot through the chest.

"That's it! Even if she's cute, I'm gonna play pop the weasel with those two. I got the hammer for it!"

He got back up, the wound had somehow faded, the hole through him was gone. It was as if it was just his outfit that got the damage.

Columbus slid down to the floor, feeling like he was going crazy. How, he asked. How was this possible?

"Well that's easy, Columbo. I have the ability to regenerate limbs and heal faster then Wolverine. I can even break the fourth wall."

{Better explanation then what I could of done.}

"Yup."

Still, Columbus was confused to a still point. He wasn't buying it one bit. Infact, he thought he was actually crazy.

"You know what? Egnore all of what just happened, and follow me out of here. How bout that?" Deadpool said, holding his hand out to the poor guy.

Columbus looked up to him, seeing that he was still being kinda friendly.

The alternative of just forgetting Deadpool rising from the dead actually might be a good idea. It was mind boggling, and that's better dealt with when thrown away.

He took the crimson wearing mercs hand and got up, they walked out of the store and traveled to the town.

It was a long walk, seeing what was established stores now empty dumps.

In fact, it seemed like the dead even got bored with the place so they moved. But they were there, in the road just looking around. Until they saw Deadpool and-

"I brought Legolas over!"

{What the hell, Deadpool! This isn't a triple crossover! He can't be here}-

"Why not, he's kicking ass over there. Look!"

The elf man with the long blonde hair and the elven blades, Legolas, was fighting the dead as he did in LOTR, it was like a dance sorta. The break dance of death.

"Now your talking!"

{Fine, I'll let him stay but don't... Don't test me.}

Deadpool jumped for joy and joined Legolas in his battle against the Zombies.

Columbus was just wandering why Orlando Bloom was helping them out in his Legolas costume.

Blood was spilt on the road, the infected were what they were suppose to be. Dead.

The three went searching for a car to keep there journey on. They were down the poorer parts, where there were all kinds of abandoned cars and trashy yards. Deadpool caught his eyes on a beautiful yellow jeep.

"Finally! A car!" He ran over to it as fast as he could and looked inside "oh yea'aaah! Hey Columbus! There's guns in here!"

He ran all over the place looking for paint or something to mark the car with his sign.

Columbus looked at Legolas and decided to spark up conversation.

"So... Um... I thought you were awesome in LOTR and The Hobbit. Great films."

Legolas gave him a puzzled look and walked passed him over to Deadpool. The maniac was painting a big circle and two eye like things. "Alright! Who's ready for a road trip?!"

They drove through the rode, Deadpool was humming something while Columbus was chewing on his hoodie cords. Legolas was looking out the window, still shocked about where he was.

'I thought I was leaving middle earth. I guess I'm on another quest.'

It had been a few hours, Deadpool was playing I spy with Columbus. Legolas was always being a negative Nancy if He was asked to what he saw.

"Grass." He'd say.

"Damn it, Lego! You messed it up!" Deadpool cried with a bitter disappointment. Legolas only shook his head "this is pointless."

They stopped when they saw the car that was rightly stolen from them. Deadpool gripped the wheel tighter, anger seeping through him like lava from a volcano.

"Oh look, its the girls. Let's say hi!" He drove faster then he had before, his foot hard on the peddle.

Legolas was screaming with anger at Deadpool while Columbus was holding on for dear life.

"Stop this now, you mad man!"

Deadpool only stopped when he had rammed the jeep through the van. Columbus breathed heavily and looked at the merc. "Why?" He asked.

Deadpool only gave him a smirk under his mask.

"Because they were being jerks and stole are car. Now, wait right here while I see if there are survivors."

He got out of the vehicle and checked the black van. It was halfway totalled, but there wasn't any blood. Or bodies. Or even a finger. Deadpool put on some glasses to look all smart and stuff and rubbed his chin.

"There... Not in the van!"

He looked back at the jeep "hey guys!" Deadpool yelled.

There was a female scream in the car. Deadpool ran to the vehicle to see that those two girls were fawning over Legolas "its Orlando!" They said.

Legolas just threw around his confusion. Everyone kept calling him Orlando, or Bloom. That wasn't his name, and they even mentioned hobbits and rings. Its like they know but won't even acknowledge his name.

Columbus shrugged in his shy manner as Deadpool looked on in anger.

"Hey you! Lady!"

The older sister looked away from Orlando, her eyes widened to the sight. It was the same guy she shot in the store. She couldn't even believe it! He had a giant hole in his chest. But he was there. Skin tight outfit and all. Including the guns.

"Ya miss me?"

She stood away from the car and had fear in her eyes.

"Meaning she's scared right?"

... She was scared. Pissing her hearts pants.

"Awesome."

"Hey, I'm sorry for shooting you. We just needed a car and..."

He was still looking at her with anger. She pulled her jacket away from her slightly busty chest, and began talking very sultry "we were so scared, and we didn't think you'd just give us the car."

As much as Deadpool tried, he fell under the spell of the woman's chest. He was all googly eyed over her bousm.

"Ooh..."

She smiled "I'm Witchita. And that's my sister, little rock."

Deadpool was still looking at her breast.

She pulled her jacket back together and said "I... Guess we can come with you?" She said.

Deadpool sighed "okay... Just as long as you don't betray us."

Witchita and Little Rock were all excited in the car. But worried, when they saw that Legolas wasn't there.

"Where's Orlando Bloom?" They asked. They heard a cry of pain in the field.

"Legolas! Noooooo!" Deadpool ran after the noise with his katana in hand. There was a loud swooshing and battering of blood.

Deadpool walked out of the field, crying over the head of Legolas.

"No'ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Legolas is dead! He's...

Oh! He's a zombie!"

The head of Legolas had the look of an already rotting zombie. And also looked like a walking dead reject.

"Can we keep him?! Can we keep him?!"

{I don't know. You promise not to let him bite any one?}

"I promise!"

{Okay...}

"Hurray!"

He ran back to the car, Columbus looked at the horrifying face of a decapitated head. A jagged toothed legolas the elf zombie.

"Guys, we have a pet zombie. Say hi to the family, Mr. Legolashead!"

The head just growled at them. It creeper everyone out.

"So... Orlando's dead?" Witchita said in shock.

"I don't know. Probably."

They drove on the road, having a journey of four, well, five. If you count the zombie head legolas.


	3. Ch3 everyone is just as important

"Welcome back to Deadpool in Zombieland! Last time-"

{They can go back themselves, don't praddle on, Deadpool.}

"But I just wanted to feel like a TV show..."

"Who are you talking to?" Witchita asked, she had been listening to his rambling and argues.

Deadpool looked back at her through the car mirror and said "to the narrator! He's been writing this story, who else? And he's been calling you pretty."

{Deadpool! Don't tell her that!}

"Ooh... He's getting all red!"

{Stop it!}

"Narrator likes Witchita! Narrator likes Witchita!

Narrator and Witchita sitting in a tree,

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

F-U-C-K-I-N-G!"

{Oh what the fuck...?}

Witchita just snarled at Deadpool with distaste. Zombie head legolas just growled at Deadpool, but the two felt the same.

Columbus had been thinking of Witchita a lot, though. Even though when the two had first met, she shot Deadpool and ran off with the key.

"Then you named the chapter Bitchita. Heh heh!" Deadpool remarked.

... But Columbus still liked Witchita from the moment he locked his eyes on her. So, for simple conversation purpose, he asked about Columbus.

"Its been burnt to the ground, how do you not know? The whole world ended like a week ago!"

Columbus was shocked. Home was gone and he just found out his family is... Probably gone too.

He stared down at the ground, where his feet were.

"Your... Your Columbus." Witchita said.

He nodded.

"I really hope this doesn't become a sad chapter."

{Time loop!}

Deadpool looked around, seeing as the sky was darker and little rock was upfront. Columbus and Witchita were in the back having a conversation.

"Wait... When did it turn into night?" Deadpool asked.

"Does this mean... You can alter time?"

{Yes. I can even go to others flash backs.}

"That's awesome!"

The three normal, non crazy people "hey!"

Looked at Deadpool with a look of surprise. Even undead legolas had his rot filtered eyes widened.

"You were silent for that whole drive," Columbus said "what was that about?"

Deadpool looked back at them, like a bad driver. "Really? If that's true then why are you in the back?!"

{You safely stopped and Columbus switched seats with little rock.}

"Since When?!"

{Since now. I can also alter events.}

"Your such an overpowered character."

{I'm not a character. I'm a writer.}

"... You had that one right in your pocket, didn't you?"

{You bet your ass I did.}

They drove down the road, Deadpool searching for whatever he could find. It wasn't like they had anywhere they really needed to go.

"Hey." Little rock looked at Deadpool "what's up with the costume?" She asked.

"Its not a costume, its my uniform." Deadpool said with proudness.

"Oh... So your a stripper?" She asked with curiosity.

Deadpool sneered. "No. I was apart of weapon x, but before that I was a mercenary with a nice and handsome face. Then I got cancer, so I went to some scientists and they did test and stuff.

But they screwed up with my skin and put me with a bunch of these guys that were failed projects. I guess they were saying the same about me.

But then I got out of there and became... Deadpool!"

Little rock just stared at him in confusion. "So... Your like an X-man or something?"

Deadpool shook his head "you know what? You should just go and watch my movie. It stars Ryan Reynolds!"

{I prefer the comics my self. But I might even check it out.}

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!... You haven't seen my movie?"

{No... I wish I could, but I just haven't had time to watch it. I haven't even gotten to play fallout 4!}

"Man, that does suck. I mean, fallout 4 is nice, but its worse that you haven't seen my movie!"

Little rock just shrug it off and looked out the road. There was a lit up place, quantum yourwammpum. I have no idea if I did that at all. Uhh... How about "native American shop?"

Go with that.

They drove into the parking lot and they each stepped out of the car, Deadpool grabbed zombie head Legolas and made sure everyone participated.

"Even if your crippled, doesn't mean your not as important!"

{Even though your holding a zombies head, I totally think that might be the best thing said during this first few chapters.}

"You can still give blowjobs, even if your a head!"

{And then it plumits...}

They stood in front of the steps, Columbus was frightful of the place. He wasn't sure what would come out. But Witchita and little rock weren't as bad, but they still knew they should be afraid.

But Deadpool ran up and rang the bell. dingleling, dingleling! screaming "leedle leedle, motherfucka's!"

Running from to the view of the others who stood in their tracks, was a gnarly looking zombie cowboy. He looked like he had been puking blood and disgusting matters, his shirt proves so.

His boots were hard felt on the floor, running like a maniac on crack and cocaine. He was screaming gibberish.

Columbus held his gun up and seemed kinda prepared to pull the trigger. But then the runner was sliced in half, his front fell forward while his back side fell, well, back.

"You guys want to go in or what?" Deadpool asked.

They were amazed at what he could do, of coarse. But they followed Deadpool inside, to see an assortment of items, mostly to the nature of native American culture and spears. Also a big boz full of beads. Lots and lots of beads.

Deadpool grabbed the head dress from the Indian chief manikin. He was sporting it with his two guns in each hands.

"How I look?" He said with this sort of smug.

"You look like a guy wearing a head dress." Columbus said with some blandness.

Deadpools slouched forward. "I know that, but don't I look cool!?"

Columbus just shrugged and kept looking at Witchita. Deadpool looked at then both, there was something right there in front of him. He just couldn't make it out-

"That's it! Columbus wants to make out with Witchita!"

{You just stole that from my narration.}

Columbus looked at Deadpool.

"Oh, Columbo! You adorable skinny guy, you!"

"Uhmm... Thanks? Look, could you just not mention it to Witchita?"

Deadpool had his hands together and under the side of his head like a mesmerized lady "that's cute. You know what? I'll help you out!"

Columbus shook his head "no! Just..."

Little rock accidentally dropped some little ornament deal and it broke into pieces. Deadpool smirked "let's tear this place to the ground!"

They began breaking lots of stuff. Witchita broke the mirror she was looking at, stomping the glass down. Columbus broke the boxes filled with beads, releasing them like a river.

Little rock knocked all the shelf's down like dominos, shattering to pieces.

Deadpool had a big hammer and smashed some stuff, but then put some explosives in the place, running out

"RUN!" He yelled.

They all ran out, wandering what they were running from. They looked up and saw the whole place go Kablewey!

It was like one big firework. Witchita and little rock said "Wow!"

Columbus was surprised. Zombie head Legolas was trying to say words of amazement but just did gurgles and growls.

They drove off onto the road, talking of trivial things and...

{Oh god! Shut off the Miley Cyrus!}

"What? Lil' rock just likes the musi-"

Suddenly the radio and CD Player stopped working.

"What happened?" Little Rock said.

Deadpool just sighed. "The author just doesn't like Hannah Montana."


	4. A hold for the moment

As you might be aware, I haven't been writing on this as much as I should of.

And if your just getting here, then hopefully I've continued this till the end but if not then obviously, I haven't continued it yet.

I've been busy writing some independent work called the Undead adventures of Toby and Grim.

That, and playing video games a lot. When I can, anyway.

I'm not saying that this will never continue on, I'm just saying that I've stopped this for awhile. Deadpool will be back and killing zombies at no time.

But I am going to be working on another project on here. Its mostly for my own amusement but if you like it then awesome.

"There you are!"

Oh jeez... Deadpool, I-

"Your back, now get back to the story!"

Deadpool, the story is going to be taking a break for awhile.

"... You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!"

Oh God!

"Hahahaha! I'm just kidding buddy. But screw you, you lazy bastard. Is bastard even spelt correctly? You screwy basterd."

Any way... I hope you all understand. And if your as pissed as Deadpool or as, well, just angry for some other reason...

Well. I don't know what to say.


End file.
